Trinityblogg's Blog

{June 4, 2010}   26th

It’s the the 4th of June and I’ll be 26 in about a month.
I remember my last birthday quite clearly, mostly because it was uneventful as usual and from the look of things, history will repeat itself.
On my 25th birthday, I woke up in bed with my mom. Let me clarify, in the past i hoped that id wake up in bed on my 25th birthday to a smile that wasn’t full of pride and admiration of my mother. The only upside was my avatar woke me up by midnight singing. Let’s face it, it was harsh to the ear but the gesture made its point and it was literarily the peak of the day.
What I have achieved since that day, i really can’t say. My spiritual life is more or less the same. Not bad but the same. My academic performance is more or less the same. I know alot more about business and money making than I did then. I love my mom a whole lot more, my brother and my sister are all I live for.
My personal life…should I say even say “my” since i really don’t have one? It’s Friday night again and like all other Friday nights I am alone. I have made out with two more men bringing the total number of frogs to…(let me count)…6? 5? I think its six…I have learnt that all men cheat, ALL. I have gotten and given orals so much it’s like a lunch snack…no meaning…no value. I have broken in so many tiny pieces, it is hard to feel anything. And when I think i feel something, its just more crash sounds…
But I have learnt that in my weakness, pain and difficulty, I am strong and a survivor
In my many disappointments, in myself and in them, i have learnt patience and persistence.
I have learnt that even when there is that void, I am not empty and I will not drown.

It may sound alittle weird, but I have found a way to split me quite literarily. It happens when I have to face this life and deal with it. A side of me locks down the other and zombie mode goes on auto for weeks and she takes care of us.

He will wake me up on the 5th of July, 2010. I hope i wake up in bed with someone who isn’t my mom or some guy pretending I matter…I just don’t want to wake up alone that morning…


Sweerie, dis is really touching.u r strong gal nd more Dan a survivor . Love would find u when u least expect it. Luv u gal.xoxo .fire

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