Trinityblogg's Blog

{May 12, 2010}   Mine!!!

I don’t think that I have to say that Sunday (which I was looking forward to like Christmas) never happened. After ironing out my dress and getting ready for the long drive to Ikoyi, He canceled. As usual he had work to do. I still haven’t gotten the opportunity to confirm that those high tech servers don’t come with adaptable USDs that double as vaginas.

I canceled an outing with Lothario (well, not much of an outing really. He needed to get to the Gallery for some business assignment. Me coming along would have cut transport cost and added the luxury of being driven. Then, I would have had to tolerate all the women checking him out and all the girls he would be checking out…Wonder if I get checked out at all, by even security cameras?! Do I even get notice anymore?). I reckon I’d rather save my strength and have him figure his journey out. He didn’t want to drive. Complains that my ride is too small and he doesn’t want to wreck it by mistake.

So by 6pm, I sent what used to be my Avatar, a BB-IM. I get a reply saying “let’s see how it goes”. That was a sign that as usual there was something more important than me to attend to. There has been something more important for the past 2years now and if I wasn’t as dumb as my very own arse, I would realize that I was fooling myself and wasting my time.

By 8pm he confirmed my suspicion so I hailed Lothario. Told him straight up it was him or my hole. He promised he would be there and by 9pm I was nicely snug in a “good place” in as much as he won’t stop pressing that damn blackberry, imaginary company is better that none at all. I like that about, Lothario, he always shows up, always.

His kiss has become just a familiar solace, a consoling alternative to what I really want. And there I had it. Back in my emotional rat race where I had to manage what I get because I can’t have what I wanted. He is an amazing kisser no doubt. (In fact, I dare say he is amazing with his mouth). But the knowledge that 3 seconds after we are done he will be chatting (with her in my own bed), doesn’t allow one to fully harness the promises of a good kiss much less an orgasm.

I faked it. I wasn’t really there. It was nice but…I just needed him to stop already. He did everything right I just didn’t connect. Lying to myself wasn’t working tonight. In reality, he was just a damn substitute to me, and me to him. He was someone else’s priority and maybe so was I. That’s how I feel anytime we cross the line. I don’t feel special, loved, nothing anymore. In fact sometimes I feel taken advantage of, a little violated. I really do feel very sad afterwards and recently, I can’t wait for him to leave.

He on the other hand took forever. I enjoyed it and actually had a bit of fun. I think I’m getting a damn BSc at it. At least I’m gaining something (none transferable skills) even if I can’t put that on any résumé besides those for the porn industry.

I’m not excited about doing anything much less cooking for him anymore. I hate to feed other women’s husbands and I sincerely mean that. I hope to God they are feeding mine (if I’ve got one). Tomorrow is Russ’s birthday. He is my housemate’s soon-to-be-boyfriend. She invited me but i don’t have a date. I’m not inviting him simply because I don’t want to be known with him in that way.

I slept on the floor that night. Left the bed and I don’t think it bothered him too much. He was my superman that night and I remained awake long after he had passed out.

At this rate, I dunno but I just want mine and I’m tired of managing theirs and especially hers…



{May 12, 2010}   bloody curse!

Ok so I am less than excited, rather suddenly actually. I was excited and really glad a few moments ago until she told me they chit-chatted at lunch. It isn’t a big deal unless you are a 25 year old virgin.
Yeah, I said it and don’t start thinking “Awww, that’s so cool. Your mother should be proud…blah, blah
, blah …” It’s easier said but really feels like a whole load of bullshit really. Finding the guy, deciding whether or not to tell him, after what date, prepare for his reaction which usually isn’t too hard to evaluate. The simpletons give it away immediately, the other more intellectual bunch spread this reaction over the a maximum period of a month (the gradual-fade-away-method)
So, Lothario and I are, or is it were as cosy as could get until the sex part came up. He wanted a relationship (which requires sex) and is something I am not in position to give. Things were fine for a while until…things started to no longer be fine.
So after a talk about his ex-girlfriend, I realised he was still in love with her. His every BB status is about her and their memories etc. He says he isn’t and what he needs is something else to get him off her,”a little push” he says.
I have my past and it was quite a heavy baggage. I am not in position to gamble and pray that he doesn’t wake one morning calling me Eimrahd. That’s painfully repulsive. So I folded.
I decided that we stop all the making out and blurry lines and be just friends like we were supposed to. Truth is, I can’t help but feel like he might have been a good thing I didn’t take because I am too scared to commit to anything.
So naturally, I have feelings for the guy. I mean he is hot and not just pepper hot, I’m talking volcanic kind of hot. He is easily resistible now because I’m used to him. But once in a while, straight out the shower, he is Adonis…yum-yum!
He has a crush on/ is attracted to Otihc. Well, since I’m his friend (technically right?) he told me. But the sick part is Otihc is my friend! Like close enough a friend for it to actually hurt! There are other women, girls who have started to play a prominent role recently. I mean, a guy needs to get laid right?
My sister says the sex thingy is work done = 0. That if he will leave my arse, sex or not, he will. She makes perfect rational sense when you think of it but when the entire male population rejects you on that account and tell you bullshit like “You will find someone, don’t worry. There a guy out there for you”. They are all just saying sorry but you are not what I can be bothered with.
I’m not sure how I feel now…I really don’t know if I want to talk to him again. But well, it was just chit-chatting right?


{May 12, 2010}   PREDICAMENT

So here goes , i’m kinda caught in between two men. love one nd developing feelings for the other.One is a man in d making while d other is already a full blown man (if u know what i mean) . i never envisioned myself in dis position, where i’m torn between two warring emotions. Boyfriend loves me , i love boyfriend but boyfriend is a lil immature nd financially handicapped. Bobo likes me , i like bobo nd he is kinda fun, experienced nd loaded. I want to be friends with bobo but not date him, nd totally can but boyfriend would not be happy abt dat.So im considerate of boyfriends feelings nd emotions but also wanna occasionally hang out wit bobo. Boyfriend has future potentials , bobo is offering a blissful future. any advice on what to do b4 i make a huge nd irreversible mistake.


{May 12, 2010}   I Met A Boy

I met a boy. Well, not met so much as i-started-looking-at-a-boy-i-knew-in-a-different-way. Just after secondary school, he asked me out, but he was a friend and I didn’t see him that way *sarcastic laughter*. Funny enough, we kept in touch on and off. We always had hanging out periods and I’ve-totally-forgotten-you’re-alive periods.

So, weirdly, my heart starts beating when I think of him, and I want to go all girly and call him every day, which I don’t by the way (when I start doing that I’ll know I’m totally done for). Anyway, we agree that we really are dating, and he starts referring to himself as my boyfriend, but it feels so unreal to me.

Despite the potential heart attacks thinking of him poses to me, I don’t think I have stars in my eyes. A few things are off like- maybe he’s too fat (especially when I see abs and arms like Gerard Butler’s), he likes to ‘hustle’ (I don’t know whether to take this as a good thing or a bad thing), he doesn’t show his emotions easily even though he laughs easily enough, and he’s always tired which sucks because I’m really into hanging out these days.

Not to sound too pessimistic and ungrateful, there are good things too, like- he’s not a bad guy even though I deduce (and he admits) that he has had his fun, he’s pretty honest, he’s confident and doesn’t pretend to be who he’s not, I feel like there’s a lot more to discover about him so I’m appropriately intrigued, and I like him for no reason at all.

But I feel like I should start opening up to him somewhat. It’s scary to do so, but I guess it does feel kinda good. I opened up to him for the first time last week. I was feeling particularly depressed about work and life and I sent him a rambling text just to get it off my chest (which is really weird cause I’ve never really done this before). I cringed while I was pressing send, but he said just the right things and I actually felt better.

Bottom line is that I don’t know where this is going, but I guess I’m willing to see where it takes me. Live a little right? But with no starry eyes please…I hope

Kisses B/S

This is my first post on Trinity, and I’m a little apprehensive about how much of myself I should give to the blogosphere. What if my family stumbles on this. I’ll totally deny it! Anyway, this is me, diving into the river head first (even though I don’t know how to swim). And hi Domitilla and Pricilla!

I’ve been really sick of my job lately. Every time I walk through the office door I turn green and am tempted to run to the nearest dustbin to barf. Last week, my boss asked me what was wrong and I just said I was hungry. If he had any idea that the problem was him and his office he would probably fire me on the spot. I can’t wait to leave. I’m tired of the processes in the office, and since it’s not exactly what I want to be doing, I feel like I’m wasting precious time there.

Why don’t I just quit? Several reasons: there would be a space in my CV that I won’t be able to explain; even though I’m paid very little, at least I get to go out to work everyday; I’ve not actually put concrete plans in place; and I actually like my boss.

Right now, one of the things that is bugging me is how to get motivated. I mean, even when I leave, I’d still need my boss to like me, think that I’m his No 1 employee, and beg me to let him write my references.

Kiss, B/S

{May 7, 2010}   Showing Off…

So, I usually make fun of and greatly dislike people who do this, especially girls who ask their boyfriends to, but I found that they do it because it feels so nice damn good!

So my Avatar and I hadn’t talked in a while. He had been on a project for ever (like that’s a good enough excuse to not make time for me), and finally gotten a promotion which in my opinion isn’t worth all the sweat blood and overnight. Hell, he would earn more job satisfaction if those nights were put to some good use in my car, room or bathroom…

So, he remembers my existence while I was in my Wolf’s house (and luckily not up to mischief; I’d have felt horribly guilty). So I told him about my day. I had gone to the salon and that’s how I got the bangs. I think he wanted desperately to feel like part of my life so he asked me to send a picture. Or maybe he did miss me like he said?

Well, I sent it the next morning. I told him to make me his wall paper for just one day. Actually, I begged. Told him to “show me off” for a change (His friends know our story but they might as well know who it is about right?)

It’s about midday and there’s a contact status update on my blackberry and guess what? He changed his profile picture and behold, the new one was me! Me and my bangs!

It took a few seconds to process this extremely large piece of information and for the next 15mins, that smile won’t get off my face. I couldn’t stop staring at me! And then I knew what it felt like to be beautiful because you are loved (or at least that’s how I felt)

I felt more special than…a damn (I don’t have the adjective).  :”>

We talked at the end of the day. I asked and he told me how he had to answer many queries and “Who is she?” from inquisitive contacts on his BB. So thought he had finally proposed to

Crowning it all, I was his wallpaper too…

Lately, and especially since my Wolf, I have began to think that what I feel for my Avatar isn’t love anymore, just a passive habit of a feeling of responsibility…But now, maybe he really, truly has been too busy to make any real time for me in the past one and half years. Maybe he really is having a more difficult time than I think (with our predicament), Maybe by leaving, he was just trying to do the right thing for us, our families and both our futures, Maybe he is dealing with this the only way he knows how, Maybe he wasn’t a chicken or a child, just challenged…

I’m so excited to see him on Sunday. I hope nothing comes up (as usual).

I think I still love this one… 🙂

—Domitilla 😡


(P:S: there is a class going on in the background,something about CSR? I think im in the class but i’m not sure where I am right now…lol)

So I’m not sure what to say here.

My eyes are heavy. I didn’t get much sleep last night and I wish its for the reasons you think it is…but it’s not. I was up all night keeping the man I’m not sure if I’m still in love with or not, company. He had to work all night so…

Still on the job hunt too and about to apply to PWC but this is all getting so discouraging…

Now upside. I’m a head-turner today.Make that a neck-breaker already. Made jet black, straight bangs! Looking fab in my black short dress and have been strutting about school just to get the heads rocking and the female green eyes bulging…lol
Its too bad boy doesn’t seem to be in high spirits today, I made the bangs cause he said he liked them…Every 16, I know but that’s talk for another day…

My bangs

Its a good day so far but I’m afraid its another friday night I spend alone and indoors…

Over and out—Domitilla

{May 4, 2010}   Hello world!

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