Trinityblogg's Blog

{August 4, 2010}   Staying Committed is Hard, No?

Maybe I really do have commitment issues. I’ve been thinking about my ex. He keeps saying we should try again. I tell him nope, let’s just be friends, and although he’s not pushing, he’s still asking, and inviting me to parties and stuff. Then he says he loves me, and even though I don’t run, it feels really weird and different to hear stuff like that. He didn’t say it in a mushy gooey-gooey way (maybe then I would have run), but in a more matter-of-fact way, which seemed more sincere to me but…

Anyway, I don’t love him. But I must really like him for some reason I can’t explain. It’s not like he’s all that, but there’s just that something about him…*confusion here*. Maybe I’m not willing to give it a shot because I’m wondering if there isn’t someone out there who I’ll have more intense feelings for, or who is richer, or more handsome, or has a better body, than him. I think that’s the problem. I’m still as confused as I was when I started this note.

xoxo B/S


{June 1, 2010}   What Stupid Relationship?

What’s a relationship without constant communication. Lately, I’ve been feeling like we don’t have any. Isn’t this the stage where the two of us are supposed to be all mushy gooey and not letting each other rest? But he’s always busy and when he’s not busy he’s tired, and I’m tired of making every meeting seem like an effort. Can’t we just decide to meet for lunch or have an impromptu date? Instead everything has to be planned and it’s taking a lot more effort than I’m prepared to give.

So instead of putting in more effort and getting more understanding, I’ve found myself wondering if he even thinks of me when we don’t see and when he doesn’t call. It’s easy to see he like me well enough when we’re hanging out (and not doing anything naughty in fact) but we’re not giving that time and opportunity for the ‘like’ to turn into anything more.

Most times now, I just say ‘fuck it and fuck boys’ cause I don’t need to be thinking of any stupid arse f*^cker and getting stupid insecurities. Besides, we’re in the same town and it’s like this, how do we cope when I travel?!?! So, fuck it (and see what happens next) or hang on and put in more effort (and see what happens next). Which now?


{May 12, 2010}   PREDICAMENT

So here goes , i’m kinda caught in between two men. love one nd developing feelings for the other.One is a man in d making while d other is already a full blown man (if u know what i mean) . i never envisioned myself in dis position, where i’m torn between two warring emotions. Boyfriend loves me , i love boyfriend but boyfriend is a lil immature nd financially handicapped. Bobo likes me , i like bobo nd he is kinda fun, experienced nd loaded. I want to be friends with bobo but not date him, nd totally can but boyfriend would not be happy abt dat.So im considerate of boyfriends feelings nd emotions but also wanna occasionally hang out wit bobo. Boyfriend has future potentials , bobo is offering a blissful future. any advice on what to do b4 i make a huge nd irreversible mistake.


{May 12, 2010}   I Met A Boy

I met a boy. Well, not met so much as i-started-looking-at-a-boy-i-knew-in-a-different-way. Just after secondary school, he asked me out, but he was a friend and I didn’t see him that way *sarcastic laughter*. Funny enough, we kept in touch on and off. We always had hanging out periods and I’ve-totally-forgotten-you’re-alive periods.

So, weirdly, my heart starts beating when I think of him, and I want to go all girly and call him every day, which I don’t by the way (when I start doing that I’ll know I’m totally done for). Anyway, we agree that we really are dating, and he starts referring to himself as my boyfriend, but it feels so unreal to me.

Despite the potential heart attacks thinking of him poses to me, I don’t think I have stars in my eyes. A few things are off like- maybe he’s too fat (especially when I see abs and arms like Gerard Butler’s), he likes to ‘hustle’ (I don’t know whether to take this as a good thing or a bad thing), he doesn’t show his emotions easily even though he laughs easily enough, and he’s always tired which sucks because I’m really into hanging out these days.

Not to sound too pessimistic and ungrateful, there are good things too, like- he’s not a bad guy even though I deduce (and he admits) that he has had his fun, he’s pretty honest, he’s confident and doesn’t pretend to be who he’s not, I feel like there’s a lot more to discover about him so I’m appropriately intrigued, and I like him for no reason at all.

But I feel like I should start opening up to him somewhat. It’s scary to do so, but I guess it does feel kinda good. I opened up to him for the first time last week. I was feeling particularly depressed about work and life and I sent him a rambling text just to get it off my chest (which is really weird cause I’ve never really done this before). I cringed while I was pressing send, but he said just the right things and I actually felt better.

Bottom line is that I don’t know where this is going, but I guess I’m willing to see where it takes me. Live a little right? But with no starry eyes please…I hope

Kisses B/S

et cetera